In the past week my celebrity status has not been enough to make the cut at two premium parties hosted by some of Notre Dame's finest. You'd think I'd be upset because I wasn't invited. You'd be wrong. You'd think I'd be bothered by the fact that people are spending a night on the town, while I, the red-headed stepchild of the Keough-Naughton Center, toil on my homework. Well, as much as I like to compare myself to Cinderfella, it doesn't bother me. What really irks me is that I haven't made a scene about how I wasn't invited and demanded a lame excuse for my exclusion. It would really mean something to me if people would think so highly of me that they went out of their way to tell me why I wasn't invited. Perhaps they "forgot." Maybe my invitation was lost in the mail. I guess they just don't realize who they're dealing with. My transcendantal aura of greatness must be so incredible that it just goes over their heads.
Now that I think about it, besides the act of a hot shot, I may know why my name has been omitted from so many guests lists. I don't think people know when I'm joking. Example: Someone said they had two friends back at school who just got engaged. My response: "Why would you throw away your life when you were so young?" I really do believe that anybody who decided to get married when they're in college is an idiot, but she didn't know that.
Recently I've realized that I'm becoming more and more like my father. Last night I attended a talk on feminism. I was about to ask a question, but it went something like this:
Me: "Wouldn't you agree –"
Interrupter #1:"Never begin a question with 'Wouldn't you agree.'"
Me: "Ok (visibly flustered and irritated), Isn't one of the causes to feminism collectivizing people into groups? When you have two groups in society, they're much more likely to be in competition –"
Interrupter #2: "That's not true!"
I wasn't really able to finish my question. Suddenly I was transported back to when I was 11 and corrected my dad about how to pronounce javelina, and he told me how rude it was to correct people. From then on, I tried, admittedly with little success, to not be such a poindexter and cut people off. And suddenly, looking around the room through the eyes of my father, I felt surrounded by versions of myself, 10 years ago. I just kind of left the question at that. I stared blankly at the person who interrupted me. "Are you serious?" I felt like leaving the room, felt like shouting, "Screw you and your whole operation!" What did I, the big man that I am do? Nothing. If I had been able to finish I would have gone on to ask if people thought a society based on two groups (i.e. men and women) was more easily polarized than a society that's built up around individuals. No, that certainly isn't true. I was an idiot to even raise the question.
I really am wondering about how all these people are such good friends, but they don't seem to like me at all. When did the path to disenchantment begin? Was it when I made fun of the video that took such hard work (we had to sign another thank you note)? Could it have been when we were supposed to donate a baby picture for some ridiculous christmas tree project, i sent in a picture of the Gerber Baby? Or my substitution of the 8 legged baby from India? Maybe because I was the only person who didn't dress up for Halloween?
The answer to the problem probably lies somewhere in that question I was asking. Groups. I hate being a part of groups, but alas, they are inevitable. I'm the Notre Dame Football of the social world: an independent status might be rewarding in the beginning, but towards the end of the year, only the Navy's of the world are willing to hang out with you.
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3 comments:
Pat! If I had been allowed to properly address your question, I would have agreed with you, but pointed out that almost every society I have been exposed to/learned about (and I am an Anthro major, so a fair number) makes a distinction between men and women and groups them accordingly.
And does this mean I am the equivalent of the Navy football team? You know I am not a fan of the military.
couple things: 1) you misquoted yourself and me: "When you have two groups in society, they're much more likely to be in competition –"Interrupter #2: "That's not true!""
You said that they Are going to be in competition-- not that they are More Likely to be in competition (and I said I wouldn't agree, not ‘that's not true’)... this is relevant because if you had phrased it the way you did in this post, I would have definitely and full-heartedly agreed, as I discussed with you after the event. My apologies for interrupting you though. From your shaky beginning I believed that you did manage to go on to comprehensively (and completely--even if you felt that you didn't really get to ask your question) point out a huge problem not only within the feminist movement but in human rights as a whole. The issue is not just that men and women are being slotted into groups, we are being put into groups with a divisive issue: the issue of equality and rights. I think the difficulty though is that sometimes when people have been subdivided so long into these groups--with the one group being placed as inferior to the other—then when you start addressing the problem it is hard enough trying to level the playing field between the two groups, let alone merge them together—the “separate” mentality is just so engrained in our culture. Same thing happened in the civil rights movement: the whole “separate but equal” stage that arose… that was a step up from slavery…but still not a fair or good situation, and it took a long time before we managed to move through that and started trying to erase the lines between “black” and “white.” As Kevin loves to say, “the owl of Minerva flies at dusk,” (and Luke Gibbons has emphasized this theme through the semester as well)… it is hard to see the drawbacks in your method of attack until you either get through to the other side or take a step back and re-evaluate. Re-evaluation is why we have a “third-wave” and not just a continuation of the “second”—and maybe the “fourth wave” will address the group-mentality of the previous three… we can only hope…except then they will need to find a name other than “feminism”…
Oh, and hate to take your individualism away from you, but you weren’t the only one who didn’t bother dressing up for Halloween. Enjoy your pb & white bread ;)
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